[break in silence here]
so, i'm doing my usual morning work thing - leave the house, get coffee, drive through the park to the customer's place of business, park jeep out back under the overhang, walk around front to the door.
*hey, what's that sound ? sounds like a plane... dang, can't find it, looking up & around everywhere ... well, almost everywhere ... still walking ... hey, what are the facilities guys doing out by the parking lot ... oh, laying cement ...
*mursh!!*
what th... ?!
...looking down...
shit.
and there's three guys out front who just stood there and watched me do that. probably the same phenomena as "deer in the headlights".
yeah, there was a section of fresh concrete - and i mean fresh - & deep - that they hadn't quite gotten to marking with tape or cones or whatever, and there goes me, eyes in the sky and not one for the earth. in the "pride goes before the..." category, yep, i had just been mentally patting myself on the back for paying unusually good attention to my surroundings. sure.
this was my fault, not self's. [gee, thanks for the generosity, dude - one time in a hundred.]
and i had an audience. the worst kind. the guys who go everywhere, talk to everyone.
so i wait. when will i get the first comment - or silent smirk ?
worst part is, i set my coffee down, and it fell over, half emptying the travel mug.
isn't there some sort of an award for this kind of boneheadedness ?
"the HomerTM ", perhaps ?
a niece finally writes after long absence, expressing an "ailment" that has elements fairly common in this family. in the human family, really. hell, i'm going through much the same thing myself, for a period that has lasted years. there's nature as well as nurture in this. evolution had its reasons.
comfort zones suck. almost literally - there's a sort of existential suction that limits movement. on the other hand, sometimes the zen thing to do is give up the struggle, and simply observe one's own behavior. what the hell, who put all those "should"s in our heads, anyway ? thinking is confusing; what is it that i actually do ? and however distasteful the answer often is, the honesty is undeniable.
and yet is-ness is only part of the total state. baggage. inertia. something to be jettisoned before it accumulates to insurmountable size.
games: i learned long ago that these were an achilles heel of mine, so i limit indulging this need to infrequent bursts. yeah, i know i'd like it, but i also know i'm better off not going there. once the habit (any habit) is broken it's best to stay away.