fractalnavel

for the first time in a couple of months.  just so's you know.

a brother writes:

a response one made to a nigerian scam letter:

This is what I sent to a scammer this time...  read the second half of the email he sent me first, then my reply.

 

I hate those bastards...
 

Shiney

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Gregg <>
To: MR.GEORGE MENSAH <>
Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2007 12:44:06 AM
Subject: Re: Urgent assistance needed please,

 

Well, it is certainly a pleasure to meet you Mr. George Mensah from Ghana!  I am a also man of PEACE and INTEGRITY, and I believe I can assist you.

 

Here is how to proceed. 

First send me the 20% of the $5 Million from your SUSPENSE ACCOUNT and do not make undue the advantage of the trust I have bestowed on you as well, and I assure you we can achieve this transaction successfully.  --- Unless of course you would like me to contact Barclays Bank and alert them to your extra funds.

 

If you do not wish to send any money ahead of time, the following important information is the best I can do for you.  Others have followed this helpful advice and they have all ended up trouble-free.

 

As one caring human (about to become a Millionaire) to another, here are some suggestions to all these problems you are having - PLEASE PASS THESE TIPS ONTO OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR SCAM OPERATION:

1. Put a gun to your head and blow your brains out (I suggest employing at least a 44 Cal bullet, and placing the tip of the gun barrel about 1/2 inch above one of your ears, or just your remaining ear if the other was cut off in your country because of a crime you committed). 
2. Hang yourself (use strong rope, I'm sure you're a big heavy sloppy fat-ass).
3. Cut your wrists (lay in a bath tub to contain the mess.  A little blood goes a long way on a tile floor.  Be sure to slice up from your hand towards your elbow, not across your wrists).
4. Drink a bottle of drain opener or nitric acid (mix a little sugar in first for better taste.  Wait a few minutes and watch the fun while your intestines squirt out of your navel).
5. Stand in front of a moving locomotive (actually, suddenly darting in front of one works best because the train engineer can't apply the brakes soon enough to stop).
6. Jump off a cliff (or into a live volcano if one is handy).
7. Overdose on laxative pills (you'll bleed to death from your newly modified rectum.  Remember to flush the toilet regularly or it will overflow due to your expelled internal organs plugging up the pipes).
8. Wear a fresh ham or a dead cat around your neck and swim in shark infested waters (don't use swim fins, they will just slow you down by giving the sharks something to grab onto you with).
9. Get yourself mugged and killed (I suggest flying into Chicago Illinois, walking downtown, and yelling 'NIGGERS ARE STUPID" repeatedly until you are stabbed to death).
10. Stick your head in a corn picker or hay bailing machine (Come to the USA.  I know many farmers who would love to stick a towel-headed moron like you under a thrashing machine).
11. Drive at minimum 150MPH into a really thick brick wall (a sports car works best - not much metal holding those things together - leave off your seat belt while your at it, and disconnect the air bag first).
12. All sorts of other means are available to help you out at http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1T4SUNA_en___US208&q=suicide+how+to+commit.

At least one or two of the above mentioned options should work out well for you. 

In the U.S., It's mandatory by law based on a person's low IQ Level and basic stupidity - like yours.

It helps keep the idiot population like you people from getting out of hand.

 

To expedite your decision of actually performing personal demise, please feel free to fly into Chicago Illinois (O-HARE International Airport). 

There you will find many helpful people during the night in the downtown area who will be more than happy to assist in kicking the living shit out of you if you have not quite made up your mind about suicide. 

You should perform this action after you have had time to rest up a from your flight and eaten as many pain pills as you can.

Be sure to drink plenty of fluids since you will undoubtedly end up with great loss of blood.

The good news is that you will still be clinically alive. 

 

Don't concern yourself with bringing anything with you on the trip -- A local U.S. hospital will supply you with everything you need (the beds are nicer to sleep in than in most US motels, plus the steady sounds from the monitors of your heart and brain slowly coming to a stop helps you to sleep.  The food from the feeding tubes taste great as well). 

 

Trust me my future transaction partner, you'll forget all about your money problems when you're in a coma.

 

Have a nice day.

 

By the way, your English sucks.  Try using a spell checker next time you bug-eyed mongoloid.

 

Please be aware that I have sent your email address to Yahoo for proper processing.  I will assume that similar emails I receive are from you as well. 

 

You're goin' down pal...

  

----- Original Message ----
From: MR.GEORGE MENSAH <>
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2007 11:37:27 PM
Subject: Urgent assistance needed please,

Dear Friend,

I hope this may not constitute sort of embarrassment to you, My name is George Mensah,Iam the regional bank manager of the Barclays Bank Ghana Ltd.
I came to know you in my Private Search for a reliable and reputable person to handle this Confidential Transaction. I am 44 years of age and married with 3 lovely kids. It may interest you to hear that I am a man of PEACE and INTERGRITY; I only hope we can assist each other.

I have packaged a financial transaction that will benefit both of us, as the regional Auditor General of the Barclays Bank Ghana Ltd.; it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra at the end of each year.

On the course of last year 2006 end of year report, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made an excess profit of five million united states dollars [US$5,000,000.00] which my head office are not aware of and will never be aware of. I have since placed this fund on what we call SUSPENSE ACCOUNT without any beneficiary. As an officer of the bank I can not be directly connected to this money, this is why I.m contacting you for us to work so that you can assist and receive this money into your bank account for us to SHARE. I will offer you 20% of the total amount for yourassistance.

Note that there are practically no risks involved in this transaction , it will be bank to bank transfer, all I need from you is to stand claim as the original depositor of this fund who made the deposit with Takoradi branch so that my Head office can order the transfer to your designated bank account.

Do not make undue the advantage of the trust I have bestowed on you, and I assure you we can achieve it successfully.

Best regards.
Mr.George Mensah.

 

 

this:

Subject:        Personal Phone Calls/Cell Phones
Importance:     High

Business and Personal Telephone Calls
Because of the nature of our business, telephone calls may be monitored to ensure our customers are receiving the highest quality customer service possible.

Exercise restraint in placing or receiving personal calls during the workday. When they are necessary, they must be authorized by management and must be as brief as possible. Personal telephone calling cards must be used for personal long distance calls made from office telephones. Cellular phones are not to be used by non-exempt employees during working hours. If you have a cellular phone, it must be turned off during your working hours. Make sure that you have provided the phone number of the receptionist to anyone who may need to contact you in an emergency. The receptionist or your manager will contact you immediately if you receive an emergency call.

Telephone accessed directory assistance is not available. Directory assistance may be accessed via the Internet. If Internet access is not available, please see your manager for assistance.

Public telephones are provided in locations where office telephones are not allowed for personal telephone calls.

and this:

Subject: E-mail Communications
Importance: High

TechTeam Employees,

 

It is TechTeam’s policy that all non-business related e-mails to distribution lists and/or employees outside of your project be approved by your manager prior to being sent.  All employees are expected to adhere to this policy.  Please see your manager with questions.

 

Thank you for your cooperation!

nope, not where i work.