fractalnavel

so the people who were on vacation last week have returned.  and suddenly, unexpectedly, it's a let down.  no longer center stage, is part of it.  and i think it was never really recognized what i was accomplishing for them.  not that they're not appreciative, because they are.  as evidenced by the continuing payments, if nothing else.  but i suspect this will end soon.

which is kind of wishy washy for me to feel, since in some sense i don't want to do this long term, yet in some senses it's kind of fun.  and i also know that the character of the engagement changes after ninety days or so, with me getting somewhat bored or whatever.  sure is nice to work just down the street though.

they have a position they need to fill, and sometimes i think they were sort of considering me to fill it, but then perhaps not, it seems.  and oh well, i've been honest and myself and if they think that's not a fit, fine. 

so i wonder - is there ever really a fit for me ?  not like for most folks, no.  i do like to do the consulting thing, and at a higher level than i usually get a chance, and i can deliver great value that way.  but it always seems that i'm coming from very far out of left field for most people; they just are not ready for what i have to offer, even if it can give them immediate benefits.

i just was not expecting to feel this way.  odd.  so here i write, a little bummed.  perspective is all i need; i knew i was going to get into this pretty intensely.

i have learned that my skills are hardly rusty at all, and that i am damn good at what i do.  that should be in italics and bold, no kidding.  i've got more breadth and depth than most folks even aim for.  and i'm not really out of touch with the technology, oddly enough.  it did look as if things had been fairly stable the last few years, and it appears that perception was accurate.

so, time to update that resume.  this is actually pretty fun stuff to do, when the industry isn't collapsing or there is some other fear for one's livelihood.

sigh.  next.