Had some thoughts running around in my head lately, thought I'd just put them down here and see what they look like in black and white.
I listened to a podcast recently that discussed the state of our country today as compared to 50 and 100 years ago based on some old school books found at a rummage sale. The books had a positive note (although filled with American propaganda) throughout that the future was bright, all things were possible, utopia was just around the corner. What happened to that optimism? I realize some of it was somewhat pie in the sky but still it was optimistic compared to what I grew up learning in school. I started my schooling during the Vietnam war and Watergate. After that mess the country went into a malaise that it tried to recover from during the Reagan years but you know it was never genuine. It always seemed to harken backwards to our glory days, winning WW2, economic miracles after the war, winning the space race, etc. Although I never really believed it would ever come to pass but we did live under the threat of nuclear annihilation. As I approached working age, I noticed that the US was losing it's economic lead in the heavy industries that drove our economy early on. Society was changing faster than most people could keep up with. Election after election the political system seemed to fail over and over. I guess growing up I was resigned to the belief that the future was not rosy but seriously in trouble. I don't think I was alone either. My friends and I all went through the brief idealistic phase in college but we figured life as we know it now won't be that way when we are ready to retire. It kind of sucked and through the years I think this sort of made a defeatist out of me. Yeah maybe I'm just weak and have no fight in me. I guess I've always lived in 5 year increments. I'll go ahead and push ahead for 5 years and then stop and make an assessment for further movement. I'm not complaining, like I said it's just a thought that's been rattling in my head lately. I look at this upcoming election of our "leaders" and am completely soured by who is in office and the clunkers who are running. This country is in a serious funk. It refuses to look in the mirror and recognize the warts that have grown on us. Call me Chicken Little but I can't see our way of life or perhaps our union lasting much longer than 30 more years.
The podcast I mentioned at the top is created by Dan Carlin at dancarlin.com. He calls it Common Sense. I find his thoughts very insightful, depressing, encouraging and aggravating all at the same time. He's well read and does a good job at observing things from a 50,000 foot level. Little plug for him.
Lately I've been remembering a lot of childhood memories. I think it's because I feel like I'm losing my mom. Her memory is really slipping and her zest for life is gone. My uncle converted a lot of my dad's 8mm movies over to VHS for us about 10 years ago. I finally got around to moving that over to a DVD. 8 hours worth of family videos, watching my sister and me grow up. Seeing my parents who are my age now. This morning I remembered when my neighbor and I would race those little cars on an electric track in his basement. I remember using those pistol grip controllers that really were just two speeds, creep along the track or zing your car flying off the track. We struggled with trying to find the right speed to keep those cars on the track but still go fast. I mean it was stupid, what a ripoff toy. I never knew anyone who could keep those cars on the track and have fun at it. We finally just gave up. Back then we created our own fun. We both had these cool looking squirt guns that we pretended were phasors like on Star Trek. We'd walk around the woods behind our houses and pretend we were on a "strange planet" like on Star Trek. My friend Scott was the captain and I was the science officer. Still remember how much fun that was. Once we found this depression that formed a small cave and in it were a bunch of Playboys piled up in there. Somebody's stash we guessed. I guess we were about 11 or 12. Sitting there looking at those pictures were embarrassing at first but soon the chemicals raging in us made those magazines seem like heroin hits. Couldn't get enough of it. Funny now that I look back on those days.
So it's xmas time again. Anyone that knows me, knows how much I dislike this time of year. It's all just an excuse for consumers to go on a buying binge. The sheep follow their corporate masters that tell them what are the "popular" items are to buy, making them richer and perpetuating this disgusting fat consumer culture they've created. Buy, buy, buy and you'll feel better. Replace "buy" with "eat" or "fuck" or "inject". Same difference. Leaving that to another blog I do like one thing about xmas. I'm encouraged that each year I spend xmas with my current family unit and friends. I've never spent xmas alone. I remember watching an old Mel Gibson movie (I think it was one of those Lethal Weapon movies) and his cop buddy asked him who he spent xmas with and he replied "with Ahnold! They had a Swartzenegger marathon on TV". Yeah it was a funny line but it stuck with me. Just seemed so sad to me to sit in front of a tv at xmas. I suppose I attach a lot of importance to being with people on that day. Could be that growing up our home was always the center of xmas for the extended family. All converge on the Geil's house. Was so much fun having all the relatives in one place. Lots of gifts, lots of laughter, traditions were played out. Just a cozy feeling. Perhaps that's it, I never forgot that feeling and love to touch on it at xmas.
Well probably won't be back until 2008 sometime. For the handful of people who do keep up with this blog Merry Xmas. And yes I do keep the Christ our that word. He wasn't born in December, he was born during the Roman tax season of April. Look it up in your bible.
Peace.