Some kind of monster
I just finished watching the widely acclaimed documentary Some Kind of Monster. It's a documentary (or rather the new term is “rockumentary”) on the heavy metal band, Metallica. Before I start off on this review, I will admit I am not a fan of their music. Listening to their music is like listening to somebody yelling at you. There is no melody, no instrumentation, shallow lyrics and all aggression and anger. Perfect for teen angst which is their main audience. The band has already peaked in the late 80's and were living off the residuals in the 90's and on up to today. The lead singer James Hetfield looks like he just stepped out of biker bar, the drummer Lars Ulrich is a little whiny Euro shit that needs to be seriously bitch slapped. If anyone remembers the Napster days, this was jerk that tried to sue them and anyone caught downloading Metallica mp3s. Metallica recieved a massive fan backlash and probably explains their sudden disappearance for 5 years after that incident. The lead guitarist, Kirk Hammett, is probably the only sane one in the group. A seemingly calm guy that just wants to play music. Hetfield and Ulrich are clearly the guys in charge of the band and constantly bicker like an old Jewish couple. To be honest Ulrich needs to lighten up and realize he's not the only one in the universe that can make music. These guys are aging, have families and little kids now. Kids are running around while the dads scream anger into microphones and beat out loud crappy music. It's just so Californian. In fact San Franscisco is where they are from. Hetfield has an alcohol problem and departs the music studio after an argument and checks himself into rehab for like a year. Must be nice when you're a greying rocker with too much money to just say screw it for a year. There's something to be said for musicians who struggle to make ends meet, it does bring out the best. These guys are so far from those days they've forgotten how to even put lyrics together without having to pull it out their ass to just keep the song going. Kind of sad to see that. After a phone call to their manager one of the radio stations threatens to make Metallica look bad unless the band does some promos for them. Hetfield claims so it's now I'll wash your back so you won't stab mine. Bingo! we have a song everyone! Wow. Lot of thought went into that one. It's kind of reminisent of Spinal Tap when these guys try to make rhymes around “I'll wash your back so you won't stab mine”. Hilarious at times especially when they agree on some of the dumbest sentences. Who cares since most fans will never hear them anyway after it's screamed and drowned out with a excruciatingly loud wall of guitar noise. So they hire this travelling therapist they pay $40K a month to help them resolve their differences. This guy is such a fucking loon he needs to check himself into a clinic. Talk about taking money from a couple of fools. When they decide to let him go he actually has the balls to say no you guys still need work. And this is after 2 years of being with them!! What a leech. This guy sells his house in Kansas City to move to SF to be closer to his “work”. Wtf?! Not to bash UIrich again but this guy is a work of art. Speaking of art, he claims he's really taken to art and has painted several large paintings that he hangs on his walls. Total crap. Barely art, much more like massive doodles on a chalkboard. But he thinks his shit don't stink. He decides to “break with the past“ and sell off all his art and start again. So he auctions it off at Christy's in New York. He tells us he doesn't care how much it sells for, he just loves his work. Lars could you please just cut the crap? His paintings end up selling for million of dollars to some vacuous art buyers. I couldn't help but wonder about the economics of such a sale. Anyway he's like a little kid overjoyed people love his art. Cut the crap Lars, you're in love with the money. It was never mentioned that he was giving it to charity, so I assume his bank account just blipped up another few million dollars. One of the better parts of the movie was how these guys struggle to come up with music. After making music for 20 years they resist repeating the same old sound, or as Lars says “it's too stock man“. Stock.. what a dork. But really, their music is artistically dead, it's noise, anger, agression, in your face music to get off on. Sort of like punching a Porche 911 at 150 mph on the Autobahn, it's just a speed buzz, there's not a lot of depth to it.
I give this movie a 2 out of 5 stars. It's way too long and not that very interesting. I'm sure if you're a Metallica fan you'd give it a higher rating because it really does delve into these guy's lives, thoughts, issues they have and how they create their music.